Ice Ice Baby
by NightRanger85
Summary: Someone screwed up, leaving Hitsugaya Toshiro lost on a tropical island. Unfortunately for Hitsugaya, he finds that its already occupied... Crossover with DOAX/X2
1. Chapter 1

**Ice Ice Baby**

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or DOAX2. Hell, I don't even have an Xbox!

* * *

He looked around in a huff as he emerged from the _senkaimon_. It was warm, humid, and oh so _cheerfully_ sunny. Just what he, Hitsugaya Tōshirō-taichō of the 10th Division, needed on top of having to make up the last month's paperwork thanks to Matsumoto's spilled sake. He sighed to himself. _'Might as well get this over with-_'

Touching down onto solid ground, the first thing he noticed was that his feet sank in slightly.

Odd. He didn't think Karakura had so much sand. Then again, Karakura didn't have palm trees, beach chairs, or-

"ITAI!!"

Hopping up and down on one foot, Hitsugaya struggled mightily with the little red monstrosity currently clamped solidly around his right big toe.

"Itaitaitaitaitaitaitaitaitai! Get! _OFF!!!_" Finally prying off the little crab off his oddly bare foot, the tiny taichō overbalanced, unceremoniously plopping down into the water.

"Hm? Salt?" He licked his finger again. Yep, definitely salty. Seeing as he was sitting up to his elbows in the ocean, this was hardly Karakura. Before his thoughts could turn towards returning to his assigned station however, Hitsugaya finally got a good look at himself.

Swimming trunks? He didn't wear swimming trunks! Especially not 'Finding Nemo' swimming trunks! Also, the strap that normally held Hyoranmaru to his back was gone, as was the zanpakuto itself! In its place was a suitably tiny children's islander tee.

Hitsugaya's face twisted into an expression of mortified horror.

Basically, he looked like a kid. A _little_ kid, out wandering on the beach.

And right by his feet, his only contact with _seireitai_ fizzled and sputtered in the salty water.

When he got back, Matsumoto would _pay_.

******

"ACHOO!!"

"Matsumoto-fukutaichō? Are you sick?"

*****

In hindsight, it probably would have served Soul Society's child prodigy quite well to be able to read English. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't. Not well at any rate.

"Ne-oo za-ku is-ru-an-du?" Hitsugaya grimaced as he put his mouth and tongue through acrobatics as he sounded out the big English letters on the large sign in front of him.

"Hey kid, are ya lost?"

Bristling, Hitsugaya turned around to give the whoever called him a 'kid' a piece of his mind-

Honey blonde bordered large blue eyes, the woman's perfect figure towering above him. Hitsugaya absently noted that she wore nothing but a tiny blue bikini and a misty blue sarong around her waist.

It wasn't hard to keep his eyes on the woman's face despite her having a good 17 inches on him; having one Matsumoto Rangiku as a lieutenant made the skill a necessity if he were to get any work done.

Mentally shrugging, the little taichō decided to try and make the best of the situation. "H-Hello, my name is Toshiro Hitsugaya." It helped that he spoke English much better than he could read it, despite the hint of uncertainty in his voice.

Naturally, it made for a less than ideal first impression in Hitsugaya's opinion.

"Awww, are ya lost cutie-pie?" The blonde ruffled the increasingly irritated captain's hair. "Don't you worry none. Big sis Tina will take care of ya."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Mmmmm."

Eyes closed, Helena Douglas lazily stretched out on one of the numerous lounge chairs surrounding the pool. Loosely clinging to her red two-piece, her white silk robe fluttered in the light breeze. Despite the reputation of the island's owner, New Zack Island was one of the few places that she felt she could truly relax.

"Heey, Helena!"

Although with that reckless American woman around, the fact that _anywhere_ could be truly relaxing was surely a miracle in and of itself. The singer and CEO sat up, making a mental note to reapply her suntan lotion.

"Good day, Tina," she said with a politeness that she didn't really feel. The blonde American waved at her from across the pool.

"Does your father know you're here _again_?" Helena asked as Tina walked around the pool.

Tina snorted. "What daddy don't know won't hurt 'im none. Speakin' of family an' all..." She turned to a protesting Hitsugaya, pulling him forward. "You lose a brother or something? 'Cause I found this snowcapped lil' cutie wanderin' around the Marina."

Resolving to only indulge the American _once_, Helena turned towards Tina. Immediately, her own amethyst eyes focused on another pair of glacial green orbs.

While this was going on, Hitsugaya was having a mild crisis. In particular, he had no _idea_ that there were this many women who risked back problems with their...proportions. With Matsumoto, he was simply too used to her antics for her to get a rise out of him. This was getting entirely out of hand.

"_T-Trop mignon..._"

The more delicate woman was patting his hair! He, Hitsugaya Toshiro was being patted like a kitten!

"Awww, lookit! He's blushing!"

"Y-Yamero!"

"Yer such a lil' cutie!"


	2. Of Captains and Kunoichi

**Of Captains and Kunoichi**

Disclaimer: Do you honestly think I own this? I don't even have a job yet!

* * *

As he had been born in Rukongai, there were things that he would oftentimes forget when he went around in a gigai.

One of them was the tendency for the skin to burn.

With this in mind, Hitsugaya scowled at the object on his head; if it weren't for that inane little factoid, he'd have entirely forgone wearing this...this _utter embarrassment_!

He'd seen the rice hats that farmers (and a certain pink-wearing pervert captain) wore, but this...this travesty to headgear was...it was...

"Now, now, it's too much of a nice day out t' scowl like that, Tousshie."

For the sixth time in the last hour, he restrained himself from yelling at his cheeky fukutaichō. Mostly because the equally cheeky Tina Armstrong was _not_ Matsumoto Rangiku.

He'd vehemently protested her calling him "Tousshie", but she had explained her logic of "Toshirō, when shortened, made Tousshie" and left him without argument.

"Besides, ya really think the stores here carry hats? Yer jus' lucky that 'Lena brings her own," said the grinning Tina.

"_Tina_," sighed Helena as she put away the hat box, "my name iz _Helena_, not 'Lena', not 'Lennie', but _Helena_." She smiled at the now hat-clad chibi taichō "Now, my leetle Toshirō won't burn in the sun, yes?" She lightly pinched his cheek, causing him to sputter.

_'This is getting more and more _aggravating_,'_ Hitsugaya thought as the trio left Helena's little seaside cabin. '_I don't know how long it will be before my phone dries out enough to work and I've already had to play dressup for that...that..infuriating woman!'_ He shook his head, frilly, flower-covered straw hat and all. _'They're _both_ infuriating!'_

"Hey, Tousshie, stop bein' such a slowpoke!"

Twitch. Twitch.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hey, Kasumi!"

Looking up from her manga, the redheaded kunoichi turned towards Tina's voice as she chewed on a stick of strawberry pocky.

"_Ohaiyo_ Tina-san, Helena-san!" she said, waving at the two women from her seat at the snack bar.

"What brings you here, Tina-san?" Kasumi asked as the darker blond sat down.

Tina shrugged. "Figured I'd get me some breakfast b'fore checking up on what today's games are."

"I wanted to stretch a leetle after breakfast," said Helena, examining the menu. "What are you doing out here, if I may ask?"

"Oh, not much," said Kasumi. "Ayane-chan wanted to take a morning swim, so she'll be along later."

It was then that Kasumi noticed a tuft of white wandering around the tables near Helena.

As this was going on, one Hitsugaya Toshirō, sans ridiculous hat, was mumbling curse after curse at his soul phone in a vain effort to make it dry quicker. "If I find that Kusajishi had something to do with this..."

"KAWAII!!"

Suddenly the child taichō found himself engulfed in something soft and pink.

Of course, he also realized that he was going to need to breathe at some point.

"I think leetle Toshirō would like to breathe again."

Sporting a deep blush at the unexpected glomp, Hitsugaya wormed his way free of the kunoichi. And she looked oddly familiar.

"Inoue-san!?!"

The redheaded kunoichi regarded Hitsugaya in confusion. "Eto...do I know you?"

That stopped Hitsugaya short. This wasn't the flaky girl that he and Matsumoto roomed with? Who was this girl?

If he didn't know better, he'd say she was Orihime's older sister. If not by her hair, than at least by her bu-

Blushing mightily, he cut off that thought before it could go further.

At this rate, he was just wondering when fate would bitch-slap him again. Not that he'd be waiting long, no doubt.

It was official: he _hated_ the idea of 'summer break'.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"I'm sorry, Toshirō-kun, for being so forward," said Kasumi in Japanese as they followed Tina and Helena to the beach.

Hitsugaya resisted the impulse to massage the bridge of his nose. Like he didn't have enough bubbly women in his life! "It's alright, Kasumi-san. I had mistaken you for someone else," he said neutrally. '_Calm Shiro, calm. She meant well. I think..._'

His hands reacted before he did as he caught the large foam board that was tossed at him. Its texture reminded him of hard sponge, but it felt so light, it was as if it was made out of air. What on earth was it?

"Yo Tousshie, ever go boarding before?"

Kasumi, who'd gotten Tina's point, broke out into a bright smile before dashing towards the heaving water. Toshirō simply cocked a thin brow before looking at Tina inquiringly.

At her wink, Hitsugaya knew that he was going to be in for a _painful_ afternoon.

Admittedly, it was more painful to his ego than anything else. This was, of course, including the three times he'd wiped out and ate beach.

"Ya shoulda told me yer hungry Tousshie," laughed Tina as she dug the unfortunate shinigami out of the sand.

"It iz hardly a laughing matter, Tina," said Helena as she brushed sand out of Hitsugaya's now-soaked hair. "The boy iz hungry, no doubt; he hasn't even had a decent breakfast, much lesss lunch." As the singer reached around to brush the sand off the back of his head, Helena inadvertently pulled Hitsugaya's face into her red bikini top.

And to think that this was what Matsumoto tried to do with him on several occasions. At least he could get back at her, now.


End file.
